"Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me. And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions." (Mark 10:21, 22)
I woke up thinking about my momma this morning and this verse was running through my mind. I remember when she was in her final days in the nursing home. I had gone to visit her for yet another unpleasant time. Loving her was my responsibility and I tried really hard, but from the time I left home for college forward she made it more and more difficult. Ours was definitely a strained and unique relationship.
This particular day, however, after she fired her initial volley of barbed comments at me, she grew silent. As we sat in the ensuing silence I soon heard a sob. I looked up to see her crying, hunched over in her wheelchair. Big old alligator tears, sobbing from the depths of her soul. All I could do was reach out and take her hand. No words came - nothing seemed appropriate in the moment. Finally she regained a measure of control and I asked her what was wrong. Through her now bloodshot eyes and quivering lips she confessed she was afraid. Afraid to die. Afraid to meet Jesus. Afraid to be judged. Afraid she would be weighed in the balance and found wanting. Afraid to go to hell. Afraid.
I had never seen my mother afraid. Of anything! She could out-shoot anyone around, she was bison-strong, she had survived the Great Depression and World War 2, outlived many of her friends, and, let's face it, she had raised me. Nothing I had ever seen of her could prepare me for this confession. Afraid? She practically conceived me in church, we never missed a service, she had taught Sunday School, led Bible studies, given her last dollar many times to help someone else, opened up our home to strangers (literally) off the street, and poured out her heart into the lives of others as long as I could remember. But now the mighty had been brought low and she found herself vulnerable for the first time in over eighty years. Afraid.
The same may have been going through this man's mind as He approached Jesus. Either fear or a sense of a deeper calling was causing him to question his life, to dig deeper, to seek the next level. He had filled his checklist but it didn't satisfy. He had, to the best of his abilities, obeyed the Ten Commandments, he had done everything he had been told was necessary to be a "good" Christian (so to speak), but he sensed there was more.
In all his "doing" he had, inadvertantly, lowered his vision, concentrated on the material things, worried about checking his list. He clung to that list and all it had accomplished for him. The fact that he had great possessions was merely a symptom of a much deeper problem: he trusted in his checklist. And so do we. Religion is good at making lists. Do this, don't do that. The closer you follow that list, the better person you become. The problem is, the list leaves you empty. Unfulfilled. Passionless. Bitter. Guilt-ridden. Afraid.
What about you? What list are you following today? Every church has one. EVERY church. Every religion. Especially Christianity. We love our lists. But Jesus only gave us a two-item (three, actually) list. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength and love your neighbor as you love yourself. In that order. Do you love God? Do you love Him enough to set aside your list and follow the leading of His Spirit that lives inside of you? His Spirit will guide you into all truth and holiness. Secondly, do you love yourself? Can you forgive yourself and allow yourself freedom to grow and blossom as a child of God? And lastly, having done these, how are you at loving others?
That's why this young man went away sorrowful. He couldn't trust God enough to throw away his list. Today I challenge you to stop looking at the "Thou shall's" and "Thou shall not's" and learn to hear and obey the voice of God coming from within. Only then can you know the peace of God and experience the overwhelming joy of being a Christian.
Be blessed.
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